May 30, 2010 - A New Beginning

BTK here. For those of you who visit and have found nothing new to read, I apologize. There has not been much recently that inspired me to write. As I am known to say, "life just keeps happening" without much of interest to share with my small reading community.

However, I have now made what will be a life-changing decision for me, personally. I have decided on a new direction that I want to take after my current home is remodeled and, hopefully, quickly sold.

My experience living with my sons as adults ( along with a fiancé) over the last 10 months will just not work for me in the long run. They need their own space. I need my own space. But, those spaces must be separate and not at all dependent on each other to exist.

I understand, respect and appreciate the fact that my sons want happiness, safety and security for me in the future. However, I, and I alone, must decide what that means and how I choose to make that happen.

I have decided that a senior living community will be best for me. I have spent the past several weeks reading about and touring several reputable, licenced facilities in Chicago's south suburbs. I love Chicago and I don't wish to leave. I love the south side because I hate Cub fans. So one of the facilities that I visited will ultimately be my home. My challenge now is to decide which one is the best fit for me. I will share the names of the facilities in case any of you have comments, specific to a facility, that you would like to share.

First, I visited "The Park" in Olympia Fields. "The Park" offers all of the independent living options that make sense including accommodations and meal plans. They offer escalated care which moves to and through assisted-living to skilled nursing should I need that in the future. As I toured, I could see myself living there. I'll be back in the future to drill down on specific line items in the brochure. I found the staff I met welcoming and the accommodations more than adequate.

Next, I visited "Waterford Estates" in Hazelcrest. Acommodations, meal plans and amenities were comparable to "The Park". However , they offer a heated indoor pool and whirlpool. My favorite vacation destination for any of you who know me well. A different feel from the first place. But, here too they offered escalated care which moves to and through skilled nursing to "end of life". I found the staff welcoming and the environment " somewhere where I could live".

Lastly, I visited "Tinley Court" in Tinley Park. Accommodations, meal plans and amenities were comfortable. They offered a "walk-in shower" not offered in the others. However, although they offer assisted-living, no skilled nursing was available on site. The geography is familiar and comfortable, only 10 minutes from my current home. Although I could see myself living there today, I must consider the fact that perhaps I would not want to move again, in the future, when my health needs changed.

I have an elder care adviser assigned through "A Place for Mom", a free nationwide elder-care referral agency, who is helping me sort things out and prioritize my selection steps.

I have learned a lot in the last two weeks about the " direction I have chosen". I am convinced that this direction is correct because of my physical limitations, the Chicago weather and the fact that I don't want my family concerned about my daily safety or well-being.

I feel I would be well served in any of these communities. It will just take some more research and additional visits to determine which one is right for me. I choose to make this decision for myself rather than leaving it to my family in a crisis circumstance.

As always, thanks for reading.

Comments are welcome.

Mother Day, 2010

BTK here . Catchy title, huh. Thought you might be tired of that chronological date stuff. At first, I was not going to post today because I've been focused on another "no fun" holiday without my "P". But I have read about and experienced some incredible moms recently. Because I was inspired by their stories, I thought it only fitting to share their stories despite my initial inclinations.



First, there is "B" (the runner). B is a full-time employed mom of two and a great blog writer (check her out here) who participated in a 13 mile half marathon on May 7th. After her husband and children, running is her passion. This family is truly remarkable. We have only met online recently. But her stories read with much enthusiasm and passion and she provides great pictures. A great mom, indeed.



Next, there's "M" (the teacher). "M" went to college with my son, BW, and married one of his best friends. "M" is a SAHM who just this year decided that homeschooling would be the best choice for her children. She has undertaken this task without reservation. She and her husband "K" have also completed the pre-adoption process to welcome an Ethiopian baby or toddler into their family. Yet another amazing young family. They are currently on the approved waiting list with Ethiopian government. Time will tell. She shares her amazing story, chapter by chapter, here . "M" also is a spectacular photographer.. Read her story. You will not be disappointed.


Next, there's "C" (the SAHM + dynamo). "C" and her husband "K" ( as I may have told you before) welcomed ( through open adoption) Bella into their home in February, 2010. Bella is a special needs child who has been diagnosed with Septo-Optic-Dysplashia. "C", her mom, is an adoption expert ( at least by my definition). In addition to Bella, her younger daughter, Beauty, was also adopted from Guatemala. Their family of of five is completed by big brother, Bear, at the ripe old age of four. "C" and "K" are young, energetic, enthusiastic parents ready to save the world one child at a time. This past week "C" spearheaded a fund-raising effort for Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago which raised over $1500 in just three days using FaceBook. Read her family story here. I am proud to be a small part of this family as the godfather designate for baby "Bella".

All of these strong, young moms put me in mind of my own mother. Not so much in the way I knew her as an adult. But, how similar she must've been to these young moms at an earlier age mirroring their strength, fortitude and courage. As I've mentioned before, I was physically challenged as a child. Some would say, even more today. I can only imagine, by reading these young mom's stories, what it must have been like for my own mother in those early years. Through them and their stories, I have grown a deeper appreciation for what my mom did for me. Although, she went to her reward in 2004, and I did not tell her enough, I remember her fondly today... Thanks, mom. I love you.

And last but not least, my "P". She raised our sons to be the men that they are today. She allowed me to help, from time to time, except with the " teaching them how to walK". "Watching your father will only confuse you", she would say with a big smile. Truth be told. They could imitate my gait almost as good as me. Children need their moms. I would give all I have to bring her back for them on Mother's Day. Even I am not that good.. sorry.

So, as we celebrate another Mother's Day. I found a different way to honor moms.. Thanks to all who contributed and those of you who read.

5/03/2010

BTK here. Thanks for stopping back. Things are pretty much “status quo” here. Remodeling goes on. Life continues to happen. Work continues, and while necessary, is exciting for me but boring for you... so we skip it.

Fast forward to the weekend (5/1-5/2)

I was alone for all of it. I actually didn’t mind. As the self-imposed, monastic silence continues in the household, I’m actually getting more comfortable with the alone / down time in my life, once again (more on that later)

BW went to help a friend (of his girlfriend) move. (Didn’t Seinfeld have rules about helping strangers move ?) Then, BW was going to the city to hangout with her when the job was done. Girlfriend picked up BW before noon, Saturday, and off they went. As of this writing (5/3 pm), he is still not home. So, one must assume that a good time is being had by all.

BP and AP were also off to parts unknown about noon, Saturday( 5/1). Came back to change clothes and nap on Saturday night, then, on Sunday, off for the afternoon on yet another quest for fun and excitement.

I had free run of the house all weekend and I ran it on my schedule, in my underwear (for part of the day), for a change. Probably, TMI, sorry.

I did laundry. I ran errands (I was fully dressed by then). I actually felt like cooking and made a dinner for myself Saturday night. That is something I never do anymore when my house mates are around. You see, I don’t cook well enough to match many of their tastes or any of their skills and sometimes do not really care for what they eat. Why be embarrassed. I wait for the “alone” opportunities and satisfy myself.

After dinner, I watched some DVD movies on my LCD TV. The TV and stand are too big for my bedroom / office. But, with the house empty, I could sit in my rocker (it’s kinda broken –need a new one) in the family room and be comfortable.

Sunday. I bought and wrote out some cards for birthdays and mom’s day and mailed them. Actually felt like “cooking” again, if you can call a BLT … cooking. But, I had no proper ingredients, damn. Off to the grocery, on a mission. $62.00 later (no alcohol).. I’m home with all the fixings. Visited all five food groups: Bacon, Italian Sausage, Vienna Beef Hot Dogs, NY Strip Steak, Other Stuff. My BLT was fabulous (i.e thick cut, hickory smoked bacon, romaine lettuce and off the vine tomatoes on a lightly toasted hoagie roll with mayo) As I write this on Monday (5/3), I am contemplating leftovers (even I can’t eat a whole pound of bacon alone). The remainder of the shopping trip’s “spoils” will appear on a menu in the very near future.

To my dear readers who are of the vegetarian ilk, I love you all so much that I’m eating “your share” and mine, too.Nothing goes to waste. It’s a nasty job. But, someone has to do it. Glad to oblige.

About being alone. At first, when Patti left me, it was like she was away at work or the store and would be back in a few hours. After a while, I realized that she was NEVER coming back. I could not stand it. I have been plagued for a long time with the negative concept of “being alone”. Even with people around, I was alone.

For the first time, in a long time, this past weekend, I felt different. I had no schedule to follow or “must do” list to complete. I was alone, yes, but, not really. I could comfortably call Patti to mind and she would have loved the White Sox games I watched (they won). She would have hated the Rambo movies. I smiled when I thought of that. My friends C, K and the Littles were celebrating a 4th Birthday for the big brother, Bear. Thinking of that made me smile, too. So, being alone gives you time to relax, think, reflect and plan. I guess I did that. It made me feel so good. I’ll do it again , soon

Yes, I did eat the leftover bacon... another great BLT.

Thanks for being there... I am always glad to be here..... I wish you all, enough.