May 30, 2010 - A New Beginning

BTK here. For those of you who visit and have found nothing new to read, I apologize. There has not been much recently that inspired me to write. As I am known to say, "life just keeps happening" without much of interest to share with my small reading community.

However, I have now made what will be a life-changing decision for me, personally. I have decided on a new direction that I want to take after my current home is remodeled and, hopefully, quickly sold.

My experience living with my sons as adults ( along with a fiancé) over the last 10 months will just not work for me in the long run. They need their own space. I need my own space. But, those spaces must be separate and not at all dependent on each other to exist.

I understand, respect and appreciate the fact that my sons want happiness, safety and security for me in the future. However, I, and I alone, must decide what that means and how I choose to make that happen.

I have decided that a senior living community will be best for me. I have spent the past several weeks reading about and touring several reputable, licenced facilities in Chicago's south suburbs. I love Chicago and I don't wish to leave. I love the south side because I hate Cub fans. So one of the facilities that I visited will ultimately be my home. My challenge now is to decide which one is the best fit for me. I will share the names of the facilities in case any of you have comments, specific to a facility, that you would like to share.

First, I visited "The Park" in Olympia Fields. "The Park" offers all of the independent living options that make sense including accommodations and meal plans. They offer escalated care which moves to and through assisted-living to skilled nursing should I need that in the future. As I toured, I could see myself living there. I'll be back in the future to drill down on specific line items in the brochure. I found the staff I met welcoming and the accommodations more than adequate.

Next, I visited "Waterford Estates" in Hazelcrest. Acommodations, meal plans and amenities were comparable to "The Park". However , they offer a heated indoor pool and whirlpool. My favorite vacation destination for any of you who know me well. A different feel from the first place. But, here too they offered escalated care which moves to and through skilled nursing to "end of life". I found the staff welcoming and the environment " somewhere where I could live".

Lastly, I visited "Tinley Court" in Tinley Park. Accommodations, meal plans and amenities were comfortable. They offered a "walk-in shower" not offered in the others. However, although they offer assisted-living, no skilled nursing was available on site. The geography is familiar and comfortable, only 10 minutes from my current home. Although I could see myself living there today, I must consider the fact that perhaps I would not want to move again, in the future, when my health needs changed.

I have an elder care adviser assigned through "A Place for Mom", a free nationwide elder-care referral agency, who is helping me sort things out and prioritize my selection steps.

I have learned a lot in the last two weeks about the " direction I have chosen". I am convinced that this direction is correct because of my physical limitations, the Chicago weather and the fact that I don't want my family concerned about my daily safety or well-being.

I feel I would be well served in any of these communities. It will just take some more research and additional visits to determine which one is right for me. I choose to make this decision for myself rather than leaving it to my family in a crisis circumstance.

As always, thanks for reading.

Comments are welcome.

Mother Day, 2010

BTK here . Catchy title, huh. Thought you might be tired of that chronological date stuff. At first, I was not going to post today because I've been focused on another "no fun" holiday without my "P". But I have read about and experienced some incredible moms recently. Because I was inspired by their stories, I thought it only fitting to share their stories despite my initial inclinations.



First, there is "B" (the runner). B is a full-time employed mom of two and a great blog writer (check her out here) who participated in a 13 mile half marathon on May 7th. After her husband and children, running is her passion. This family is truly remarkable. We have only met online recently. But her stories read with much enthusiasm and passion and she provides great pictures. A great mom, indeed.



Next, there's "M" (the teacher). "M" went to college with my son, BW, and married one of his best friends. "M" is a SAHM who just this year decided that homeschooling would be the best choice for her children. She has undertaken this task without reservation. She and her husband "K" have also completed the pre-adoption process to welcome an Ethiopian baby or toddler into their family. Yet another amazing young family. They are currently on the approved waiting list with Ethiopian government. Time will tell. She shares her amazing story, chapter by chapter, here . "M" also is a spectacular photographer.. Read her story. You will not be disappointed.


Next, there's "C" (the SAHM + dynamo). "C" and her husband "K" ( as I may have told you before) welcomed ( through open adoption) Bella into their home in February, 2010. Bella is a special needs child who has been diagnosed with Septo-Optic-Dysplashia. "C", her mom, is an adoption expert ( at least by my definition). In addition to Bella, her younger daughter, Beauty, was also adopted from Guatemala. Their family of of five is completed by big brother, Bear, at the ripe old age of four. "C" and "K" are young, energetic, enthusiastic parents ready to save the world one child at a time. This past week "C" spearheaded a fund-raising effort for Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago which raised over $1500 in just three days using FaceBook. Read her family story here. I am proud to be a small part of this family as the godfather designate for baby "Bella".

All of these strong, young moms put me in mind of my own mother. Not so much in the way I knew her as an adult. But, how similar she must've been to these young moms at an earlier age mirroring their strength, fortitude and courage. As I've mentioned before, I was physically challenged as a child. Some would say, even more today. I can only imagine, by reading these young mom's stories, what it must have been like for my own mother in those early years. Through them and their stories, I have grown a deeper appreciation for what my mom did for me. Although, she went to her reward in 2004, and I did not tell her enough, I remember her fondly today... Thanks, mom. I love you.

And last but not least, my "P". She raised our sons to be the men that they are today. She allowed me to help, from time to time, except with the " teaching them how to walK". "Watching your father will only confuse you", she would say with a big smile. Truth be told. They could imitate my gait almost as good as me. Children need their moms. I would give all I have to bring her back for them on Mother's Day. Even I am not that good.. sorry.

So, as we celebrate another Mother's Day. I found a different way to honor moms.. Thanks to all who contributed and those of you who read.

5/03/2010

BTK here. Thanks for stopping back. Things are pretty much “status quo” here. Remodeling goes on. Life continues to happen. Work continues, and while necessary, is exciting for me but boring for you... so we skip it.

Fast forward to the weekend (5/1-5/2)

I was alone for all of it. I actually didn’t mind. As the self-imposed, monastic silence continues in the household, I’m actually getting more comfortable with the alone / down time in my life, once again (more on that later)

BW went to help a friend (of his girlfriend) move. (Didn’t Seinfeld have rules about helping strangers move ?) Then, BW was going to the city to hangout with her when the job was done. Girlfriend picked up BW before noon, Saturday, and off they went. As of this writing (5/3 pm), he is still not home. So, one must assume that a good time is being had by all.

BP and AP were also off to parts unknown about noon, Saturday( 5/1). Came back to change clothes and nap on Saturday night, then, on Sunday, off for the afternoon on yet another quest for fun and excitement.

I had free run of the house all weekend and I ran it on my schedule, in my underwear (for part of the day), for a change. Probably, TMI, sorry.

I did laundry. I ran errands (I was fully dressed by then). I actually felt like cooking and made a dinner for myself Saturday night. That is something I never do anymore when my house mates are around. You see, I don’t cook well enough to match many of their tastes or any of their skills and sometimes do not really care for what they eat. Why be embarrassed. I wait for the “alone” opportunities and satisfy myself.

After dinner, I watched some DVD movies on my LCD TV. The TV and stand are too big for my bedroom / office. But, with the house empty, I could sit in my rocker (it’s kinda broken –need a new one) in the family room and be comfortable.

Sunday. I bought and wrote out some cards for birthdays and mom’s day and mailed them. Actually felt like “cooking” again, if you can call a BLT … cooking. But, I had no proper ingredients, damn. Off to the grocery, on a mission. $62.00 later (no alcohol).. I’m home with all the fixings. Visited all five food groups: Bacon, Italian Sausage, Vienna Beef Hot Dogs, NY Strip Steak, Other Stuff. My BLT was fabulous (i.e thick cut, hickory smoked bacon, romaine lettuce and off the vine tomatoes on a lightly toasted hoagie roll with mayo) As I write this on Monday (5/3), I am contemplating leftovers (even I can’t eat a whole pound of bacon alone). The remainder of the shopping trip’s “spoils” will appear on a menu in the very near future.

To my dear readers who are of the vegetarian ilk, I love you all so much that I’m eating “your share” and mine, too.Nothing goes to waste. It’s a nasty job. But, someone has to do it. Glad to oblige.

About being alone. At first, when Patti left me, it was like she was away at work or the store and would be back in a few hours. After a while, I realized that she was NEVER coming back. I could not stand it. I have been plagued for a long time with the negative concept of “being alone”. Even with people around, I was alone.

For the first time, in a long time, this past weekend, I felt different. I had no schedule to follow or “must do” list to complete. I was alone, yes, but, not really. I could comfortably call Patti to mind and she would have loved the White Sox games I watched (they won). She would have hated the Rambo movies. I smiled when I thought of that. My friends C, K and the Littles were celebrating a 4th Birthday for the big brother, Bear. Thinking of that made me smile, too. So, being alone gives you time to relax, think, reflect and plan. I guess I did that. It made me feel so good. I’ll do it again , soon

Yes, I did eat the leftover bacon... another great BLT.

Thanks for being there... I am always glad to be here..... I wish you all, enough.

4/27/2010

BTK here. Rough week. Since last time there are some stories to tell. Band Practice. Confrontation (Young vs. Old). BTK is Sick. Family wedding plans (not mine) begin.

Lets get started.

Band. Some parents might be pleased to have their son's rock 'n roll band practice in the family room. Advantages: no cover charge, autographs are free and requests are played instantly. Disadvantages : Five electric guitars and a full drum kit vibrate the walls and floors in a 1000 sq. ft. home beyond belief, the kitchen fills with interested homies, girlfriends and groupies who contribute nothing to the session and make it impossible to get food, ice or even leave my room for the bathroom until it's over. I could not hear to make or take phone calls and I could not think to answer e-mail. Don't get me wrong. I love this band and all the guys in it. But I need to hear them in a much larger venue that is not right below my bedroom/office. I had to leave.

Confrontation. When I returned. The din continued. I wrote my son, the drummer, a poison pen e-mail. Not the smartest move. But, what's done is done ( and frankly I would do it again.) There are six guys in this band. The only reason that practice is here is that my son will not say no. I am hoping I planted that seed. I'm betting I did not. That was Friday, 4/23. Since then we've exchanged a fiery e-mail thread and have not spoken.

I woke up last Tuesday (4/20) with an ear ache and a sore throat. Despite my other ailments, these are new symptoms for me. I was alarmed. I called Dr. Feel-good but couldn't get an appointment until Friday 4/23. I decided I would visit a " Minute Clinic" at CVS to see if I could get some immediate relief. Although I have a high threshold for pain, this was really bothering me. The nurse practitioner was professional. However, because of my existing HBP medication, she was not able to prescribe anything. Therefore, I had to wait for Friday (4/23) to see my own doctor and suffer through the band practice, virtually unmedicated. No fun at all.

Feeling somewhat better after using the prescriptions for several days. Still not 100%. But better.

Wedding. Spoke to my sister last night about the marriage of her daughter, my niece. My niece and her fiancé have selected the Greenbrier Resort in West Virginia. They will be married there by a minister who is a longtime family friend of her fiancé's family and will live in Columbus, Ohio where her fiancé's family runs a family-owned bakery business. The wedding is in February, 2011. Because I have special challenges connected with traveling, I will begin the planning immediately.

Thanks for reading. Your Comments are welcome.

April 21, 2010

My last post on "tax day" took us all over the place. I want to try and get back to the reason we gather here. I want to share my thoughts and experiences since the last time and hope you find something interesting. That said, off we go.

That Friday, 4/16, I heard from my friend, "D". She is a newly hired security consultant and project manager with a well-known firm. We spent some time on the phone. She explained how she had been treated as a new kid on the block. E-mails ignored. Meetings set aside "for a more important priority". That is, until her director called a mandatory meeting which "D" facilitated. At that meeting, her associates heard what I already knew, she knows her business and was hired for a reason. Problem solved. "D" is happy and moving forward.

"D" is also a dog person. Her Doberman, Max, has been in therapy to regain the use of his back legs. Finally, this week, the water therapy which was recommended has been producing some results. Good luck Max. Keep on going....

On Saturday, I visited for lunch with my friends, C,K and the "Littles" a wonderful family of five (including my goddaughter-to-be baby Bella) who have become close friends that I love a lot. We had a wonderful lunch from Portillo's ( which they paid for over my objections - I made them promise that next time it's my turn). After lunch, we talked for hours about, among other things, Bella's therapies, Beauty's EI (Early Intervention) school and Bear's sports class. We shared family stories and secrets that only draw people closer. I like that. This is an extraordinary family that I will enjoy being around for a long time.

Sunday. In my life, when you spend Saturday playing..... Sunday becomes very domestic. With help from BW, laundry was done, a few bills were paid and we did a major visit to the grocery store. As I mentioned before, BW is a great cook. He had menus planned for the current week and knew exactly what we needed to buy. I filled in the list with household stuff. We had a very successful trip and didn't forget anything. That's important.

Monday. A workday for all here. BW cranking up his job search in all directions, revising resumes and, of course, hoping for a callback. Sorry I don't have any cute little kid stories. My sons are very big kids. However, they do eat and sleep as often as possible just like the little ones do.

Tuesday. Another workday for all. Rewind and repeat. I woke up with any earache and a sore throat thinking, of course, that I was finally going deaf. You see, I wear headphones, every day, all day to create the "white noise" I need to concentrate on my work. I went to the "Minute Clinic" for some pain relief. Although, it turns out not serious, it's still painful. The nurse practitioner, although polite and professional, was not prepared to give me any cool sinus decongestant drugs because of my high blood pressure medication. Damn. I'll try again on Friday with my doctor, Dr. Feelgood. He comes into the examining room with his prescription pad in hand and asks " What is it you need"??

Wednesday. Gee that's today. Another workday for all. Rewind and repeat. As I write this, I hear chainsaws buzzing outside which means that BW and BP are proceeding with the backyard remodeling (your remember- required by the bank) . They actually did some work last night, by electric construction lighting, to deconstruct the outside stairs which were built in 1991. We try to revolve our major refuse days around Wednesday. Garbage pickup is Thursday in this neighborhood. That's information I'm sure you needed to know. So, if you come to my house with a lot of garbage, come on Wednesday.

As they used to say, that is the week that was. No drama, crises or major upheaval. Nice.


Thanks for reading. Your comments are welcome

April 15, 2010

BTK here. I thought it would be appropriate for the "taxman" to have a post on tax day..

Ah.. dear readers.. some of you may need a bit of background to support that assertion. You see I have done what I do in the same industry for 42 years now. While it is not my day-to-day pursuit in my current position, I have an industry reputation as an employment tax expert which is based on some 30 of those years spent studying IRS and state documentation and implementing systems and procedures which compute and report on payroll taxes while making sure the computations are accurate. So on the day when you all must settle up with the IRS and your state(s), I just want to say this. If the systems I have helped to build, support and calculate have touched you, in some small way, I hope they helped you to make proper tax decisions for your family. I strive every day to make sure that every paycheck my calculations touch is as accurate as I can make it.

With the current jobs bill legislation on the table, new calculation challenges are presented. I am already working with a team at my company to make sure that we deliver understandable and accurate computations to support the new hire tax breaks provided to employers.

Happy Tax Day.... (appropriate "TaxMan" Beatles music plays here)

Beyond that ....... since last time.

Family is fine. BW and BP, together again as they were meant to be, bonding as brothers are supposed to do.

Remodeling moves forward. The back brick-paver patio has been deconstructed and the new support lumber (6 x 6) is in place and leveled. The bricks will be reset (I get to help with that 'cause that's a tedious sittin' job that I don't mind) once the deck base is re-leveled and supported with sand and pea gravel. So, BTK is on the clock for that.

I continue my advocacy class at Hadley School for the Blind. I want Bella, my god daughter-to be, and I to have all of our guns loaded (with knowledge). Combined with the knowledge from her parents, K & C.. She will blow the world away. I guarantee.

I think I had mentioned a while back that I was physically challenged myself. I also think I promised to explain "later". Well, now is later. I was born, like Bella, physically challenged.

Some history is in order. I was born with cerebral palsy, affecting only my legs, and leaving untouched my arms, voice, brain, speech, etc. from a medical perspective, a mild case of the disease at best. I have married, raised a family, held a job and conducted a fairly productive life for my 62 years. Looking back, my challenges are nothing compared to what baby Bella might face.

When I found her story, through her supermom's blog, I was "inspired and touched beyond words". Through my life I have received boundless help from my parents, my siblings and medical professionals, too many to count, to achieve the life that I have accomplished today.

We all know the phrase " paybacks are a bitch". When I met little Bella through her parents, C & K, I knew that she and I were going to be friends for life. I am challenged, she is challenged more. But guess what, we'll deal with it together. I'll kick the doors open that she can't see and and she'll tell me about the doors that I don't acknowledge are there because her sixth sense will always keep us safe. Good team she and I.

As always, I've rambled too long. But, if you're here, you knew that anyway.

Thanks for reading ... your comments are welcome

April 13, 2010

BTK here. Ok. Title is still not real creative. Sorry. We talked about that last time and I'm working on it. Read on and see about this week.

A new topic. My employer has now required Anti- Harrassment training. It is being offered as a required online course to be completed by May 26, 2010. While I am not opposed to such training, I have often thought that reasonable, intelligent human beings should not need to be taught how to treat each other in a proper way. I will complete the training as ordered by the policy. However, you can read my comments, if you dare.

In the old days, co-workers of both sexes could share jokes, in good taste, share friendly borderline comments and even deliver sexual innuendos without anyone being offended. Today, you can barely say much beyond "Good Morning" to a co-worker, that you do not know, without risking a confrontation or a potential harassment complaint. I have always respected ethnicity, race, creed, sex, disability (duh) and most of the other "protected characteristics" before it was law to do so. Obviously, times are changing.

I will find it difficult to change so quickly. I am a friendly person. I like women. I enjoy my female colleagues and hopefully some of them feel the same about me. To those who do, I let them know that, both verbally and physically, with their approval (i.e. a hug, a peck on the cheek) that I appreciate their friendship and positive response. I never overstep the individual bounds which each one sets. If you're not a "hugger" I leave you alone. I respect each individual's feelings and temper my response accordingly. I also know that one single encounter does not govern all the rest. Mutual understanding & respect are most important. I am very, very careful.

I must say, in conclusion, that this is just one more example of how reasonable people (an SCOTUS term) have failed to deal with each other respectfully. We need these rules because of the men and women (I use those terms losely) who don't, and will never, understand and deal with each other properly.

On a personal note, C and K of (C, K and the Littles") have been sick this week with allergies and other ailments. I can only hope that they are well enough by Saturday to keep our "date for some fun"

Some of you may know that I have been honored to be designated as a godfather-to-be for a special needs child. Bella , who is six months old, has joined us in this world with challenges, which among other things, probably will render her blind for most of her life. We can hope for future research which reverses this trend. But, for now, we deal with what it is.

I want to understand how to advocate for Bella as she grows. To do that I have enrolled in an on-line advocacy class at Chicago's Hadley School for the Blind. This is the first of many courses to allow me to understand and actively participate in the life that Bella will lead... more later

Lastly, this week I visited my office today. I have worked from home since July, 2009. I have been productive and happy in that pursuit. However, until today, I did not realize the importance of staying personally connected to my friends and work colleagues. Today, their in person visits and kind words let me know that I was still a valued member of the team. As if that was not enough, I received a personal phone call, when I arrived home, from our CEO, a longtime friend and colleague. I missed him personally during my office visit and still he felt obligated to call. Friends like this don't happen a lot. I cherish al lof them indeed.

Thanks again for reading... comments welcome

April 5, 2010

BTK here. I didn't get more creative with my titles yet because most of what I have to say, for now, is for that small circle of family and friends who spend a few moments enjoying (I hope) what I have to say.

On that title thing, I did some research and tripped over a concept called SEO ( Search Engine Optimized) titles. OK, don't get scared. This is apparently something that " paid per post" bloggers need to worry about. Since, perhaps, the way you title a post influences the number of " search engine" hits you get and, based on your contract, the number of hits or comments you get may influence your paycheck. I'm still counting hits on one hand, or ( to be honest) not at all since I don't know how. Just some BTK trivia for you all. If you're here, you want to be. Read on.

My family Easter holiday, advanced to March 28 for attendance reasons, was ok. Since my "P" has passed, these are obligatory things that one must do. I don't enjoy them because about half of the people in attendance I don't care to see or talk with. Those that I do, I concentrate on and I typically leave early. The food is always good. The company, beyond my sister-in-law. "K" and her children, "not so much". Thankfully, the next one of those "family therapy sessions" isn't until November, for Thanksgiving. Maybe I can think of some place else to be by then.

This past week has been both a holiday and a religious week.

For the children, anticipating the Easter Bunny and his visit on yesterday kept every one of those 'littles" on the edge of their seats. I'm sure. I was invited on Saturday, April 3, 2010 to a first birthday party for K M. Her parents M & J went to high school with my son's and have been dear family friends ever since. I did enjoy the "kid" watching. There must've been a dozen or so children ranging in age from several months to 6 or 7 years. I saw bottles being fed. Honey Nut Cherrios being eaten from a table and well behaved toddlers being fed my mom until they had their fill. The children were nicely dressed and TRULY well behaved. It was a wonderful day for me. There was, of course, some expected discontent for the babes. There was no uncontrolled screaming or anything even close to a temper tantrum. I made sure I, publicly, told their parents what a credit it was to their parenting. I had a few cocktails, ate a lot of good food and did a "sober" 70 mile round-trip road trip with my hand controls.... a new milestone....

Easter, April 4, was an anti-climax to say the least. P& A off to Cedar Lake on Saturday evening for Easter with friends. BW, on Saturday evening, off to the city for Easter with his girlfriend. Me, alone again, naturally. (I think I'll write a song). I think my reaction to being alone was more mental than anything else. I've been alone many Sundays before and never felt quite like I did. I suspect it might be all of the holiday wishes from friends and remote family and then having to explain that our family "did something different' and they would politely react " oh, that's nice!"... so, I did laundry and paid the bills.

I guess, all in all, it's disconcerting in a way. I don't like change. I don't like being told what to do or where to be, without options. My "P" could always tell me what to do. She knew that. However, she never did. In 36 years, she always found a way to ask and when she asked, I always did what she asked, ALWAYS. I don't mind being asked and, when asked, I will, without question, compromise. I am no hard ass. I just don't like having my opinion be assumed or me being pushed around, ever. If you have the guts to ask me, I will tell you what I think. If you can't stand to listen to the answer, don't ask me the question.

My remodeling. Yet another roadblock. The banks underwriters want refinancing repairs done in what I think is an unreasonable time. My mortgage banker is sympathetic and easy to deal with. But, the underwriters that she must deal with don't have a soul. We'll see if there's a compromise.

Now, to BW. I I know he reads this blog, for which I'm thankful. So, I must write carefully. I want him to find the perfect job. But, there may not be time to wait until fall when the colleges are hiring. He has placed multiple applications for history teaching positions. He should certainly receive a response or two.

In the meanwhile, he has no income now and must certainly be feeling more dependent than any man would like to be. That's OK, I got his back. I try not to press too hard. He's recovering well from a long way down and I'm sure, it's a step at a time coming back. I thought I lost him there for a bit. I did not. He is back, and on it, and I could not be prouder and happier.

I know he gets frustrated. That's his way. He's ready to crank. When BW is tuned, stuff can't happen fast enough. I hope that he finds an interim job that will provide some cash and some fun. Nothing like cash and fun to lift your spirits, heh ??

I found a good note on which to end. Cash and Fun.

My best to my favorite Doo-Op goup (C,.K, and the "Littles")

Thanks for reading...comments welcome

March 27, 2010

BTK here. Well, it has been a good week. BW home and getting settled. I had the most productive week at work that I've had, perhaps in months. I didn't realize how distracted and preoccupied I was by BW's circumstances. Now that the immediate crisis has been resolved. We can move toward a very bright future.

I've been eating well this week. BW is a great cook and actually likes doing it. He and I will be cooking later today together for the family Easter celebration tomorrow. Yes, I said tomorrow. My family has moved their celebration up one week to make sure that everybody could attend.

BP and AP were off to Detroit this morning for an overnight van club event. They will be back tomorrow afternoon to celebrate the holiday. They have a longtime friend in the van club there who suffers from Parkinson's disease and has been diagnosed as terminal. BP makes it a point to attend every one of that club's events and spend some time with his ailing friend.

This week I spoke to a former colleague who I had not been in touch with for almost 20 years. We worked together for 10 years until our company was sold in 1991. I do not recall speaking to him since then. I am on a committee which is organizing a reunion later this year, after 20 years, of all former employees of the sold company. The former owner/ president, now in his 80s, is throwing a giant pizza party with all the trimmings at Gino's East, downtown. We are tracking down people by any means possible. I got his contact information from a mutual friend who I communicate with regularly.

We had a nice talk. He is semi retired now. But, has applied to do some part-time work for the US Census Bureau. Since 1991, he has had a number of jobs each lasting no more than two years or so. I, personally, would find that disconcerting. From the way he talked, it didn't seem to bother him though. I recall that he was a guy who was always "chasing a buck". Maybe you have to move often if that is your goal. He has traveled to Germany several times. His wife of 41 years still has relatives there. He talked of retiring in Florida ( or somewhere other than here). He lives in Michigan City, IN. I believe.

Back to reunion for a moment. I've had a lot of fun being on the committee. Catching up with old friends. Telling war stories and, most of all, looking forward to the event. We even have 20 people interested in staying in a downtown hotel, at their expense, for the evening. The event is in September, 2010. So, in June,2010, I'll take a final hotel headcount and go looking for a deal on a block of rooms close the the event.

I tell you it must "old home" week. I was befriended on FB by another old friend who I had not seen since 1971. He was one of my brother's best friends during the brother's undergraduate years at Marquette. I got to know him when he joined us in my parent's home when my brother was home on various holiday or academic breaks. He reminded me that we last spoke at my brother's wedding in May, 1971. He wrote me an e-mail catch -up epistle and I responded in kind last evening. I await his response. Good feelings, indeed.

BW and I had lunch yesterday with a college friend of his from St. Joe. BW and AH were on the Mock Trial team together. Besides sharing a great friendship, they also shared some rewarding experiences in the productions staged by the Columbian Players, the college's theater group.

My "P" and I saw all of those performances. We saw true talents, in those boys, that we did not know they had. They were creative, engaging and very funny, when called for. Truly wonderful to watch. If I think back and concentrate a bit, I can remember how I felt after each performance. Because each one was better that the last. They left my P and I almost speechless. We looked at each other and said "where did that talent come from". Of course, my P immediately said "I'll admit that the brains might come from your family. But, talent like that comes from mine". She then smiled broadly to emphasize her point. I acknowledged that she was right.

I digress. A word about that. She was right, ALOT. She was a better judge of people. She could instantly, as soon as she met someone, know if they could be her friend. It took me longer. She knew that and helped me. She openly expressed her feelings while mine were always there, but left unsaid. In hindsight, I should have said more. People who knew her tell me that " she knew how you felt". Well, why did I keep her guessing ??? . I should have said more, more often. She kept me from doing lots of stupid shit through the years. She was always more worldly and practical while I was posing as an impulsive intellectual. She tolerated that and let me think that I was "driving the bus". When, in fact, she was not only driving the bus but had redecorated it while I wasn't looking and I, almost always, liked it. Enough.

Just wanted you to have a glimpse of what I had and have now lost, until we're together again.

I'm OK. I'm thinking if these feelings don't go on the page so I can revisit them when I'd like, I'll struggle with getting past them. That's what this blogging is about for me just now. Acknowledging and recording feelings, events and "points in time" so I can move down the road.

Thanks for reading ...hope you found something you liked or laughed about

March 22, 2010

BTK reaching out. It has been a bit since we got together ... a lot has happened. By now, BW is home, healthy and getting settled and has left Madison behind for now. It was hard for him to leave. I know that. It was his home for five years with all his favorite places and his friends. But, without funding changes were inevitable. We will work to get him back there, if we can, when the employment picture changes. His remaining PhD requirements can be taken care of remotely.

That said. We move on. As Tennyson said in Ulysses " that which we are, we are, one equal temper of heroic hearts, Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will. To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield".

So, rewind to Saturday, March 20th, 5:30am CDT. BTK and PB rollout of the rack and prepare for the road trip. The night before, BP had packed every conceivable tool or hardware item that we might need. There were boxes, packing tape, storage bags, razor blade scrapers, hand tools, power tools and an assortment of nails, screws and fasteners. Even a small bucket of spackle and a putty knife. We were prepared to fix or repair anything in that apartment so that BW and his stuff could leave with us that day.

We walked out of the house and knew, immediately, that the weather was not going to cooperate out of Chicago. We drove straight into the ice and snow mix that was predicted as it came from the northwest (i.e. Madison) moving southeast. Only PB's cool demeanor behind the wheel kept us moving. We had to stop at the Belvedere Oasis. BP had to chip half-inch ice out of the wiper wells and off the wiper blades so they would function again. Thankfully, as we moved northwest, we could see the snow on the trees and parkways. But, the payment was dry and the current precipitation conditions stabilized and eventually stopped when we arrived in Madison.

We picked up our U-Haul trailer in Madison right on schedule at 9:00am CDT. BP loves to be on time and hates to be late. We arrived at BW's place and with some inventive driving and manual labor PB and BW got the trailer right next to the back door. PB attempted to build a plywood ramp. But, could not fashion it safely. He scrapped the idea and they dealt with the two steep, concrete stairs.

BW had all of his stuff packed despite the fact that he had been without glasses for the best part of the past two weeks. Just to give you some perspective, in order to read and answer e-mails during that time, he had hold the laptop 6 inches from his face. The fact that he got anything packed is a credit to his courage and fortitude.

Those boys loaded that trailer and "final" cleaned the apartment in under two hours. Even BTK got on the business end of a vacuum cleaner. I am not scared of those tasks. I just have limited mobility these days and take a lot of breaks. The boys didn't seem to care about the breaks. So I just kept on strokin'...doing what I could.

Coming home the weather doesn't cooperate either. There are stretches that are treacherous with limited mobility for 15 to 20 miles. Now, we are towing a full trailer which is dancing all over the road. Once again, BP and his cool demeanor behind the wheel gets it done.

Once home, by BW's choice, his clothes came to the house and everything else went into storage. Remembering the conditions under which he packed, he wanted to sort things out in his own time and decide what he needed at home. Good thinking.

Sunday... domestic tasks. laundry, paperwork put off too long and well-deserved rest for all. BW spent the evening with his girlfriend in the city. They needed that time together .... now that we're all together, again.

Today... Work for PB, AP and me. BW hooking up with Depaul resources for library privileges at the Newberry. His Masters degree in history is from De Paul in 2005. So, he just needed to upgrade his credentials.

Tomorrow ... tune in next time.

Thanks for reading ... until next time

March 18, 2010

BTK Here. I promise I'll come up with better, more creative, titles. But for now, chronology works. Remember my son, BW, is a historian, one of those names, dates and places guys. When he comes home on Saturday, March 20th, he will surely throttle me to death for creating such a horrible stereotype of which he wants no part.

So, St. Paddy's Day. BP cooked the traditional Irish boiled dinner (i.e. corned beef, cabbage, potatoes and carrots) . It's a perfect dish for the crockpot. I told BP that I might be willing to try to be the chef next year. Not to improve on the recipe, mind you, but just to prove that BTK could do it too ( with a crockpot). For all of you guys who think you can't cook, get yourself a crockpot. It comes with a simple recipe book. Like my dear departed P used to say, if you can read, you can cook, at least a little. Take the recipe to the store with you and collect the ingredients. Guys, you know what you like and the recipes help you to substitute or eliminate stuff you don't like. Pick one recipe and start there. Give your wives a break.

Outside the crockpot, I have actually been complemented on my " breakfast for dinner" . At my house, we like bacon, pancakes, hashbrowns, toast and eggs cooked to order, all of which I cook pretty well, I'm told.. We complement that with milk, juice, coffee (decaf for me) and some sort of decadent coffee cake for dessert. I know I have readers with dietary preferences or restrictions. So, when I cook (and clean up) for you, you get to pick, choose and substitute all you want. Schedule your next BTK Breakfast For Dinner, at your house, soon and send me your menu preferences.

On St. Paddy's, we stayed in for the evening. Listened to traditional music. Sipped some Irish whiskey and enjoyed the company of the evening. I typically don't go out except for a private party and, even then, not too far from home. Cops all over the world use this day as a way to make their monthly ticket quota. If you choose to challenge them with your compromised driving skills, then you deserve the consequences. I hope you all played it safe.

Today was a "back to work day". Productive? I'd say so. The technical nature of my job tells me that I need not share details and risk putting you all to sleep. Suffice to say, I earned my money today which is always a good feeling.

Today, my dear friend, C ( of C, K and the Littles) received an honorary PhD in EI from IL and is here by designated as an IL EI SuperMom by BTK. Congrats and luv u a lot. She will need a much larger business card soon. Printing bids are being accepted.

Tonght BP, AP and I attended a wake for the mother of a close friend. Mom lost her battle with cancer. During the visitation, while talking to people, I realized that this woman in her short 69 years had "really touched" every one she ever met, family and friends The pictures, the stories, the conversation through which we were attempting to celebrate her life, while great, seemed like not enough to bestow the "life credit" she was due.

She is now visiting with my P. I have asked my P to show her the "rookie ropes" up there. I hope they will be friends. I surely think that they could be and together bring peace and happiness to those here and those who will later follow them into eternity.

A true Irish wake. "the sun rose to meet her, the wind was at her back (how about this beautiful day) and she was, in fact, in heaven one half hour before the devil knew she was dead".

Tomorrow... house appraisal on my refinance .. my car comes home from the hospital.
Saturday .... BW comes home ....Yaaaaaaaay !!!

Thanks for reading ... please comment if you wish.

March 16, 2010

Today, BTK celebrated the 32nd anniversary of his 30th birthday. That is the last birthday I really choose to acknowledge. So, I observe it, as an anniversay, once a year on this date. So, many good wishes, cards and gifts from everyone. Thank you. A very special gift arrived via courier from C, K and the Littles (no, it's not a 50's doo-op group). Close friends that I love a lot. Thank you guys, very, very special.

BP and AP provided a fabulous birthday meal at a local spot (that we will definitely revisit) and a Willie Nelson 3-CD compilation set which has tracks that even I don't have (that's goin' some) and it kicks ass. I love Willy, always have, with his unique style for pickin', singing, writing and being himself. IMHO, no one better, just sayin'. I have started playing the guitar some again ( after a 25 year hiatus) and he is one of my idols. Even old guys are allowed to have those, ya' know.

Before work, I dropped my car off for repairs. Should be done by Friday. Another new experience, you see, I now drive with adaptive hand controls. So, the rental car option is complicated. You must call ahead and hope the representative you get on the phone knows what the hell you're talking about. If they don't have a vehicle in the region that Is properly adapted, you are out of luck. My driver's license has a restriction that requires a certain ( fairly common) configuration of adaptive equipment. Car rental companies are not required by the ADA to guarantee an accommodation. Maybe they should be ?? Perhaps, we'll talk about this more in the future. The repair shop gave me a ride home and will pick me up again when the car is repaired. At least someone remembers what customer service should be like.

Yes, I worked today. In my home office, I had the windows open and the sun shining on my workspace so it went fast. I have had more productive days. Just couldn't get in the groove. Tomorrow will be better.

This evening, I spoke with family who called to share birthday wishes.Thanks to them for that. Even though I am the oldest sibling and they tease me about being able to "count that high", I appreciate hearing from them.

Lastly, I spoke with BW. As I said yesterday, he is home in Madison preparing to come to Chicago on Saturday, March 20. He's making great progress with last-minute details. Right down to scrubbing the kitchen floor on his hands and knees. He said " the 40-year-old tile floor never looked better". I know that he's right about that. His mind continues to crank in a way that only BW can do. He's mentally multitasking ( thinking about today and tomorrow) and coming to some very practical conclusions and courses of action.

I can only hope for him that his glasses are ready tomorrow. With all of the other challenges he has faced recently, he has been "blind" ( i.e. reading the computer screen from 6 inches away) for the last week and a half. C'mon glasses..... He said something about "knowing how Stevie Wonder feels" . With glasses, he can go to the University and finish the required paperwork so that his journey toward a PhD remains uninterrupted when he comes to Chicago.

It's late, we're tired... you of my blabbering on and me of my blabbering on.

Thanks for reading.. please comment if you wish.

March 15, 2010

BTK back . Sorry for the extended absence.

There are things I have to say about this absence and things that must remain private.

Let's start here. BW admitted himself to the hospital on Saturday, March 13th. He was not well and perhaps had not been for several months. He had the courage to call 911, get himself admitted to a hospital and get the help he so desperately needed. He's fine now. Back on point. Tonight, back to the comforts of his home and looking to the future. BP and I will be bringing him home to Chicago on Saturday, March 20. Details are private. Don't ask, ' cause I won't tell. Just be glad BW is baaaaack!!

Saturday.March 13th. I actually left the house for the day. Surprise. I attended the first annual Oak Forest Fleadh ( pronounced "flah"). When I read about it in the paper, I made a decision. This was not another event I was simply going to avoid because of the crowd. So, I asked for an accommodation for my disability. I wrote my alderman an e-mail not knowing what to expect. After all, I've never done that before. I take what life deals and tolerate it.

My alderman, Chuck Towland, arranged for a personalized, reserved parking place right along the parade route at a tavern called Mrs. OBrien's Pub. They posted a special "professionally made" sign above my parking space which said " Mr. BTK (they used my proper surname, sorry, it's s a secret) Parking Only" and protected the space with a public works sawhorse. If you don't know my city, Oak Forest, you would not realize what a perfect location this was for me. One block for food and back to Mrs. OBriens for drink. The Pub staff even set up a special viewing chair for me for the parade. I had a great time. The people watching truly made the day. I don't drink often outside the house. My special thanks to Tom Hinsdale, the owner, for making this possible. I will visit them and soon again. Perhaps, tomorrow, on my birthday.

On to Sunday then. Talked to several good friends by phone. Calmed me down to hear their voices and have some conversation. Checked on BW in hospital. All Good. Laundry... pretty boring.. we discussed that . life still has to happen.

Today. BW home and ALL is good.. Got the repair estimate on my car... minor fender bender thing .. no big deal. I cut the corner too close on a narrow fast food drive-through and creased the driver's side. Not serious. Not hurt. No one else involved. Will drop the car off tomorrow and have it back by Friday.

Met another lovely, smart young woman today who helped me reorganize finances on my home to allow us to complete the remodeling on schedule with sufficient financing. Obviously, the boring paperwork review that BTK (aka Captain Paperwork) could provide serves no useful purpose here. Suffice to say all is good and smart women abound, thank god.

Talked to another longtime friend and another very smart woman, RR. She is wonderful and I am blessed to have her as a confidant.

March 12, 2010

Seems a shame to repeat. so I won't.

BW is "on it" focused on coming home on the March 20th. I want to keep him focused on short run goals.

He contacted the graduate coordinator at school today and began the "late enrollment" paperwork so that he can preserve his Ph.D. status and hopefully, re -defer the student loans that have now come due. That is a good thing.

His glasses are still forthcoming and communication other than voice is extremely challenging. He forges ahead with his best effort.

BP and LDG went out for dinner with Polka Pete. It is Pete's 30th birthday. I would cherish that birthday again. But, probably have to count backwards too far.

Busy weekend coming up. Oak Forest St. Patty's parade tomorrow. I arranged, through my alderman, for a reserved parking spot and seat on the parade route. Never did that before. Tired of staying home, I guess. Hope to have a great time. On Sunday, will be meeting an old friend for lunch. I'm old, she's not. The lunch will be fresh and we'll have a great time. Looking forward indeed.

As St. Patrick's Day approaches, I share with you my favorite excerpt from an Irish blessing: May the sun rise to meet you, May the wind be always at your back, and may you be in heaven one half hour before the devil knows you're dead !!

Thank you for reading. Comment if you like.

March 11, 2010

BTK here, again. So work begins and ends as expected.

But, as we talked about yesterday... life continues to happen.

BW e-mailed this morning to say that his bank balance was only $37 overdrawn. Refreshing. Previous reports yielded high three digit overdraft balances. So, I transferred some money so he can get around this week. BP and I will bring him home on March 20th. But he must be able to live till then. Fortunately, our checking accounts are in the same bank and transfers take a very small number of hours.

Remember, BW lost his glasses, did not have a spare and absolutely cannot see without them.

When I spoke to him mid-morning today, he had received the funds and had already secured an appointment to get replacement glasses and he hoped he could find a friend to give him a ride. (BW, clicking on all cyliders now, yay !) You, see, his vision is so bad that, although he could take the bus and ask the driver for help to get him to the correct stop, he would never find the store once he got off the bus. When I realized that while talking to him, I suggested that he get a duplicate pair as a backup and if he couldn't find a friend to drive him, just take a taxi. He readily agreed. I guess sometimes we don't realize our shortcomings until were confronted with them. We both learned a valuable lesson.

He ended up taking a taxi, there and back, and called me upon his return home. He apologized for spending the $32 it cost. I reassured him that $32 was a small price to pay for his safety. He agreed.

I spoke to BW's landlord to settle accounts. This guy has been more than fair and deserves to be paid. I will care for that. Because if BW can go back there in the future, he may need this guy. Not good to burn bridges when you don't have to.

BW continues his packing and is focused on coming home on March 20. He has some school paperwork to care for which he will do when he gets his glasses next Wednesday.

I am so glad that while life provides hurdles, it also provides ways to jump over them even for those of us who don't jump real well ( I'll explain those details another time).

Thanks again for reading. Please comment or ask questions if you like.

March 10, 2010

BTK here. I thought I'd start off easy since I am new to this blogging stuff and perhaps just record my day, so far, for later reference. I started work about 8:30am.

Oh yeah, work. I didn't tell you about that. I am a QA engineer which means I test software. In my case, I test web-based software specifically designed to provide payroll, human resource and tax solutions for the customers of the company I work for. This is my story, not theirs. No advertisements or solicitations will be forthcoming other than to say it is a great company to work for because I'm allowed to work from home. Right now, I'm doing that five days a week. As the weather improves here in Chicagoland, I may venture back to the office (50 miles one way) occasionally. I do miss the in-person interaction with my colleagues. Hopefully, they feel the same about me. My manager is very flexible as long as I complete my assignments on time. She lives and works from her home on a farm in northwestern Oregon. Pretty progressive company, huh ?

So the work day went pretty much as scripted. E-mails, IM's ( we use an in-house version of Spark IM since lots of folks work remotely), support requests from colleagues and with the workday ending as expected. No drama or crisis. That's great.

However, as you all know, while working, life also happens.

I am CONSIDERING reorganizing my finances (i.e. mortgage, student loans, home equity line, credit cards, etc.) to perhaps consolidate and take advantage of the low interest rates. I have found a bank who, I think, actually seems to care about customers. Once again, this is my story, not theirs. No advertisements or solicitations will be forthcoming. My mortgage banker called me to take a "preliminary application" over the phone. She seems knowledgeable and friendly. But, seems new in her position. She said that this "pre-app" expedites the process during our finance review appointment scheduled for next Monday, March 15th. This weekend I will have to go through the checklist and collect the recordable pieces of my life on paper which they told me they care about. A necessary evil. But, a royal pain in the ass. They can talk the talk... on Monday, we'll see if they can walk the walk. Because, as you will soon learn, if you visit me here again(and I hope you will) at TTBK, I was born at night. But not last night

A BTK tangent... I made a comment about my mortgage banker that some might find condescending. Let me straighten that out right away. I LOVE smart women. I seek them out and leave the others to those men who can't cope. I am looking forward to working with this banker while understanding that she may not yet be the expert that she is destined to become.

Another life event. My son, BW, is coming home. Normally, a homecoming would be a happy time and to have him here so I can help certainly is the happy part. The reason for his homecoming, not so much. You see ... five years ago, BW launched a promising career as a Ph.D. candidate at a prominent midwestern university. However, this semester he lost his funding from the university and did not get the teaching assignment that he expected ( and probably deserved - father's prejudice, perhaps). With a terrible economy and a worse job market, he is forced to come home. This stark reality is enough to bring the most seasoned life-veteran to his knees.

For several weeks, BW "disappeared" and, I know now, sunk into a deep depression. After 3 weeks of silence and no responses to phone calls or e-mails. I had the local police execute a well-being check. Fortunately, they found him alive and stable. He called me shortly thereafter. That was last Thursday. He knows there is something wrong and that he needs help. We're working to bring him home as quickly as possible. Monday, BW / BFF called to ask if I'd heard from BW again. I had not. BW was to visit her this past weekend. He did not show up or call with regrets. While we were on the land line she received a text message from BW saying: glasses lost, ankle sprained.

This morning, on face book, I received a message from BW /BFF. She intimated that they had talked last night and formulated yet another exit-strategy. BW and I had done that before he " disappeared." I am to hear from him tonight. In fact I am waiting for a call, as I write, to get a progress update and to arrange to send money for the new glasses...

Only time will tell .........

BW doesn't remember this right now. But, I am his biggest fan. When his mind is right, no one can compete with him. He is one of the smartest people that I know of any age or education level on the planet. I am proud to have him for a son.

Thanks for your time and interest in reading ...please comment or ask questions if you like. I hope there is something here that helps you. Because it helps me just write it.

If I hear from BW, more later.

More to come... I Promise

Now that I got past the technical stuff to get to you guys and we can talk. .

In future stories, you're going to meet all of the other people in my life who make a difference (remember nicknames). There is CT, KV, Bear, Beauty and Bella. Then there's AK, NM, NJU, NJA, NRJ. Can't forget LDG either and, as the stories require, I'll introduce you to others. This isn't a game for me. It is a way for to tell my stories and protect the identity of those that I love. Please respect that...thanks

The Virgin Post on TTBK -Tall Tales from Billy the Kid

With some help from a valued mentor, I have gone down this road. Need a place to put my thoughts, move on in life and read them again when I need to. E-mail threads are cumbersome at best.. As I tell my stories, they will be real only the names will be changed to "protect the innocent". Read, enjoy, shed a tear and comment, as you choose.

I am "Billy the Kid", the founder of the feast some would say. I will record my modern day life and times honestly and in as full a measure as I am able without incriminating anyone. Everyone in my stories, including me, will have a pseudonym (i.e. nickname) Mine will be BTK. To follow our exploits, if you choose, you'll have to remember your favorites through their nicknames (a trick my mentor taught me)

So, where do I start. I think I'll give some history. BTK unexpectedly loses the love of his life (i.e. P) to a heart attack in November, 2008 after a 36 year life together. Not takin' you there for details, just sayin'. So, life moves on. Still working out the paticulars of survival on a daily basis. But it does get easier, I'm told and I hope.

P leaves behind BTK, and her grown sons, "BW" and "BP" to sort out the world without her. This task is challenging for all of us in our own ways each and every day. We get better at it.. but, haven't solved the puzzle...yet.

So, that's where we start and I see if this post will publish